The Slab

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Daily Beefing Is Moving to a New Address

Hey Everybody, Thanks to your support, Daily Beefing has been invited to join Chicago Now, a part of the Tribune Company. Our new address is www.chicagonow.com/daily-beefing. For easier ...
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Friendlier NSA Advises Shoppers on Best Deals

In response to widespread criticism that the National Security Administration gathers too much information and invades people’s privacy, President Obama announced in a speech ...
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Christie Accused of Bank Robbery, Cattle Rustling

Still reeling from allegations of ordering the politically-motivated blockage of lanes on the George Washington Bridge, using Hurricane Sandy relief money to make tourism ads featuring ...
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GOP Rep: Restricting Abortion Creates Jobs, As Does Arson, Murder

Representative Bob Goodlatte (R-IN), who is Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, explained his fast-tracking of a bill last week that would further restrict women’s right ...
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Abusive Husband Christie Apologizes, Promises to Be Better

After yet another abusive outbreak, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie humbled himself a second time yesterday and promised such mistreatment wouldn’t happen again. In this latest ...
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Rumors of Non-Governor Christie Related News Not True

As the nation eagerly awaited New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s State of the State address this afternoon, rumors began to spread that there were other things happening around ...
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Christie: “. . . Anyone Here from Fort Lee?”

Daily Beefing joins New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s press conference, still in progress. Thanks for hanging in there folks. It’s not easy changing a catheter while ...
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Emails Reveal Gov. Christie Secretly Fat

Emails released today by an investigation into potential malfeasance by Chris Christie revealed that the New Jersey Governor is secretly fat. Over the past few months, Mr. Christie ...
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GOP: Cold Will Continue Until Prez Repeals Obamacare

Republicans in Congress today declared their terms for easing the frigid temperatures that have gripped the nation for the last several days. “If the President cares as much about ...
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Koch Bros: Sick of Cold Weather? We’re Working On It

The following is a paid advertisement. Whooee! It sure is cold out. And what about all that snow? Crazy, right? Why, did you know more people freeze to death in the cold than in all ...
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Minor Beefs



  • Perhaps anticipating some hostility at his possible hearing in front of the New Jersey legislature’s committees investigating the George Washington Bridge lane closing scandal, Governor Chris Christie applied this morning for a conceal-carry firearms permit.  (more…)



  • After having sent the jet stream due south to create a Polar Vortex with 50 degree below zero temperatures, Warm Weather returned to the Midwest and East Coast today and was shocked to discover that Climate Change Deniers were not in fact a hoax. (more…)



  • At a two hour press conference this morning about the deliberate constriction of lanes from Fort Lee New Jersey onto the George Washington Bridge last September, Chris Christie asserted that until yesterday morning, he hadn’t realized he was governor.  (more…)



  • There have been a rash of reports over the last couple of days of Chicagoland families trading cars, major appliances and even lesser favored children for snowblowers. “These transactions are not regulated,” Mayor Emanuel warned. “So be sure the blower works.”  (more…)



  • On January 1, Colorado became the first state in the nation to legalize the sale of marijuana. While Coloradans are ecstatic and increasingly mellow, Colorado’s disapproving neighbors to the east, Kansans, plan to complain as soon as they can stop eating.  (more…)



  • The long-debated $68 billion twin pipelines connecting Chicago and Miami have finally been completed and started transferring humidity between the two cities. (more…)



  • In the latest incident involving the vindictive governor of New Jersey, Micah Hensford, 10, of Newark sent President Obama and his family an e-Christmas card yesterday, only to find when he awoke this morning, the severed head of his dog Shorty in his bed.  (more…)

Second Helpings

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