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GOP: Obama’s IRS Has Been Stealing Money from Every American

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In an announcement that is likely to bring the tottering Obama administration finally to its knees, leaders of the Republican party claim they have evidence that the IRS has been taking money from virtually every American and that this scheme has been going on for years. This revelation, if true, comes in the wake of previous allegations that the IRS had been targeting for special scrutiny political-sounding applicants for tax exempt status. “To call this news shocking,” an angry, yet saddened, Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA), Chair of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, allowed, “would be the biggest understatement in the history of the world. To put this in terms average Americans can understand, it’s as if President Obama dug up George Washington’s grave and used the Constitution to start a fire of his bones. Or to put it in terms even children can understand, President Obama stole your daddy’s gun and shot off around twenty-five percent of Santa’s face.”

Holding up what he was calling that “smoking gun” was Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), who railed, but with evident dismay, “I have obtained this secret document that details all the various ways the IRS has been stealing money from Americans, in this particular instance, me. But it is not just me. I have been getting calls from countless constituents telling me that they too have had huge portions of their income stolen from them by Obama’s government. This massive heist by the Obama administration is greater than all other thefts ever combined and then multiplied by the largest number you can imagine. To put this in terms understandable to those of us who didn’t go to Harvard Law School (where I did go, but just to keep an eye on what they were doing), it’s as if President Obama took each and every one of your paychecks, and cut a quarter of it off just for himself. Or, for the benefit of the children here today, President Obama snuck into your room while you were sleeping and stomped on your piggy bank, filled his pockets with your chore money and, on his way out, kicked your dog.”

Taking his turn at the podium set up outside the IRS building, a furious, but heavy-hearted Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) shouted, “The astonishing criminality of President Obama is only matched by his insatiable greed. He already has a Treasury building that can print all the money he wants. Yet he demands to have this building besides, a building that has to be this huge because it is completely stuffed with your hard-earned money. And what makes President Obama’s crimes even more evil is that in as many as 49 times out of 50, he spends your money in another state. To put this in a way that real Americans can understand, the President takes your money, fills up the gas tanks in Air Force 1 and flies around the world to fancy parties with other world leaders. Or, so our real American children can understand, it’s like the President took your Mommy and Daddy and locked them in prison, and you’ll never see them again. So, on behalf of all Americans, I say to you, President Obama, tear down these walls!”

 

photo credit: Images_of_Money

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