Daily Beefing has received an advanced copy of radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh’s new book for children Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims: Time Travel Adventures with Exceptional Americans. In the book, Mr. Limbaugh and his talking horse Liberty journey back through American history to highlight our country’s greatness. Over the next few days, Daily Beefing will share pre-publication excerpts. Today’s excerpt is from the chapter “Putting the Free in Freedom” and takes place on a slave plantation in the 1850′s.
“Well, Liberty. Wasn’t that fun helping all those injuns across the Mississippi River?” Rush Revere said.
“It sure was. And they were so happy on their new reservations, they couldn’t stop crying and throwing their tomahawks to us as presents. Say, where are we now?” Liberty said.
“Well, Liberty. We’re in the Deep South on a plantation,” Rush Revere said.
“Who are all those people stooping over and carrying heavy sacks?” Liberty said.
“Well, Liberty. Those so-called people are slaves,” Rush Revere said.
“Slaves? What are they?” Liberty said.
“Well, Liberty. A slave is a savage that we rescued from the jungles of Africa and brought all the way across the ocean on a giant ship, completely free of charge! And now, we’re teaching them to pick cotton and do other jobs that will make them useful,” Rush Revere said.
“Wow. How much do they have to pay for that great education?” Liberty said.
“Absolutely nothing! And what’s more, the plantation owner even gives them a place to sleep and food to eat for free,” Rush Revere said.
“Holy Santa! I wish I could be a slave,” Liberty said.
“Well, Liberty. We’re not all that lucky. Why, their owner even finds mates for them, and, to make sure their offspring don’t get in the way of their education, he sells them,” Rush Revere said.
“Gee. I’ll bet they’re grateful to their owner,” Liberty said.
“Well, Liberty. You would think so. But many slaves try to run away,” Rush Revere said.
“Just like spoiled children. So what do their owners do?” Liberty said.
“Well, Liberty. The owners don’t want their slaves to get hurt out there in the big, bad world all alone. It’s full of injuns after all. So the owners sometimes put stripes on their backs so if they’re found, they can be sent home where it’s safe,” Rush Revere said.
“Oh, look! There’s an owner putting some identification stripes on a slave’s back right over there! . . . It’s kind of a noisy process,” Liberty said.
“Listen carefully, Liberty. Each crack of the whip says, ‘I love you,’ and each scream says, ‘I know.’” Rush Revere said.
“How come savages don’t live on plantations where we come from?” Liberty said.
“Well, Liberty. Their owners brought them up and gave them an education in the hopes that they would eventually be able to make their own way in the world,” Rush Revere said.
“And did they?” Liberty said.
“Well, Liberty. I’m afraid they still expect everything for free, and even worse, we keep giving it to them. We even let one be the President of the United States,” Rush Revere said.
“That makes me so angry. Hey, you savages! If you don’t like it here, why don’t you go back to where you came from? Oh, look. They’re coming over to talk about it. Don’t you think it’s pretty the way those long knives and pitchforks glint in the sunlight?” Liberty said.
“Well, Liberty. It’s time for us to get going. We’re off to California,” Rush Revere said.
“California? What’s there?” Liberty said.
“Why, Liberty, what else? The Gold Rush.”
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